The Top 10 Once Upon A Time Characters [TV]

Oncers, assemble! Yes, in this edition of Top 10 we are counting down the complex characters from ABC/Disney's Once Upon A Time, so get those extravagant costumes on and take a trip to Storybrooke - just remember to pack your trusty red leather jacket, this could be a bumpy ride. Naturally, there are about a billion (read: less than a billion) different characters from OUAT, so it's unfeasible for us to mention everyone, who has ever existed, but we will do a nice little 5 or 6 Honourable mentions at the end before you all grab your pitch forks.

10: Prince Charming/David Nolan

Surprised? Josh Dallas' Prince Charming comes in at number 10, for a variety of reasons. Starting off in the earlier seasons as a pretty intriguing prince, this charming character caught our attention with his heroic deeds and testing moral choices. Unfortunately, this didn't seem to last, and after the whole Snow/Prince scenarios fizzled out around season 2/3, he became a bit of a cliche - even more so than usual. Seemingly taking everyone to task for their questionable choices, and yet doing some pretty shady deals himself, our love for Prince Charming faded quicker than Regina could crush a heart. Sorry David, we're just not that into you. 

9: Queen of Hearts/Cora Mills

The original dark queen, Barbara Hershey portrays this heartless lady with effortless finesse. Cold, calculated but undeniably complicated, Cora Mills knows what she wants and generally goes out and gets it. Adept at playing both villain and half-hero, you're never quite sure what side Cora generally is on and let's face it, although we can never quite forgive her for killing Daniel/generally being a controlling, homicidal mother, she is a captivating individual. Unfortunately now deceased, she did lead a remarkably elaborate life/death/life (?) and she will forever go down in OUAT history as the original evil queen. 

8: Baelfire/Neal Cassidy

We're noticing a sort of deceased theme here. Unlike Cora, Neal/Baelfire died all the way back in season 3 when the evil witch of the west rocked into town, and we're still not quite over it. Although his death was fairly inevitable, and the romance with Emma seemed to have run its course, he still holds a special place in our glowing red magical hearts since he is Henry's father, after all. And hey, when you've got the Dark One as your father, you deserve a bit of credit for lasting as long as you did. 

7: Snow White/Mary Margaret

Oh, Snow, you'd be so much higher up on our list if you hadn't fallen into such dull plot lines in recent series. Starting off as an all-round badass bandit from the woods, MC Snow was the character we'd all been waiting for. She was no docile damsel but still had all the heart and warmth you'd expect from a compassionate Disney character, and she rocked the Enchanted Forest. Forming a strained but loving relationship with her daughter, and making continual sacrifices, Mary Margaret was more than just your average character, but like David, Ginnifer Goodwin's character seemed to drop off the face of the earth once her on-screen (and real life) baby was born. Writers, what are you doing? Get it together. We can only hope her character is given more exciting storylines and scenarios in season 6. 

6: Henry

Ah, Mister Henry Potter. Er, Henry Mills. This poor troubled but remarkably intelligent adopted kid of the Mayor of Storybrooke certainly had a difficult time growing up with a (surprise, surprise) controlling mother, not to mention the fact he was living in a made-up land. That type of situation really damages a person, you know? But pulling through it, Jared S. Gilmore's character quickly proved to be the moral compass of the entire show, pulling many characters back to reality when it was clear they had lost the plot, and that on its own is commendable. Beloved side-kick of his Sheriff birth-mum, Henry is a versatile gem of a character that just keeps getting better with age. 

5: Belle

Ok, we dare you to say you didn't absolutely adore Emilie de Ravin's Belle when she first twirled onto the scene way back in season one. Go on, we'll wait. Chipped tea cups and beastly relations aside, Belle is quirky, kind, and defiant; not the type of person to let another in need down, or to follow her dreams. Hilariously funny and sweet, you have to give her credit for putting up with Rumple's bizarre dearie antics and actually managing to bring out a better person in him - even just for a short while. 

4: Captain Hook/Killian Jones

Killian Jones started off as one of those characters you weren't really sure would make it past season 2, but he has somehow managed to swash buckle his way through to season 6, and even earned the affections of Miss Swan herself - hold up, what? Yep, if you thought any previous OUAT pairings were weird, this one takes the cake, but it's grown on us a bit. Colin O'Donoghue does have a certain sense of charm and charisma about him, and hey, we can't help but love the old hand-less pirate a bit more as the seasons progress - eyeliner and all. Not to mention, the whole Rumple crocodile business was effortlessly hilarious and exceptionally dangerous at the same time - extra props for managing to be one of the only few people to almost manage to kill the Dark One. 

3: Emma Swan/ Dark Swan

Well, Emma was always going to be high up on the list. After winning our hearts playing the slightly twisted Doctor Cameron in HOUSE (seriously, that girl had issues), Jennifer Morrison turned her sights towards another TV series - OUAT - and we couldn't be happier. The perfect Emma Swan, Morrison has shown her light and dark sides as the character and has plenty of juicy storylines to keep us interested, not to mention perfect on-screen chemistry with her co-stars (Swan Queen, anyone?). Keep on slaying, gal. 

2: The Evil Queen/Regina Mills

Again, give us a reason not to adore Regina Mills. Yes, she is certainly a questionable human-being and by no means a perfect character, but Lana Parrilla injects a certain energy into the role that you wouldn't quite get from anyone else. Sassy, sarcastic and sultry, Regina knows how to play the game and usually comes out top - although recently she's turned her talents towards becoming the 'good guy', and it sort of works for her. Although, we're not quite ready to give up the Evil Queen just yet. It's just such a fun and ferocious character, and Parrilla milks it for all its worth. 

1: Rumplestiltskin/Mr. Gold

Now, I wonder who could manage to top all other Storybrooke inhabitants? Sickly, shiny skin, sporting more leather than can be good for a person, and dancing around like a pixie on acid, it can only be the deliciously deadly Rumplestiltskin, a.k.a. Mr Gold. The first person to make 'dearie' an unnerving come-back, Rumple knows how to manipulate, murder and scheme - and apparently love too - although we're not quite sure of his definition of the latter. Robert Carlyle clearly has great fun playing the character, and his infectious presence makes the mysterious Mr. Gold one of the favourites on the show. Although we may never look that fabulous, one can certainly dream. 

And there we have it! The Top 10 Once Upon A Time characters all neatly rounded up for your consumption. Although, as usual, if your fave hasn't made the list, check out our honourable mentions below for an extra slice of OUAT apple pie in your life.

6 Honourable Mentions: 

Ruby/ Red Riding Hood

Yes, because we couldn't quite narrow it down to 5, we've gone with an even six, and first up is the celestial Ruby, a.k.a Red Riding Hood, a.k.a The Wolf. This ferocious gal doesn't feature often enough in the show (and we could all use a bit more Meghan Ory in our lives), but her free-spirited and adventurous nature attracted our attention from the beginning. One of the few characters in the series shown to be bisexual, and in a relationship with another woman (Dorothy, although we were feeling a Mulan vibe!), Ruby is a unique character who deserves to be mentioned. Plus her friendship with Snow is adorable (snowby anyone?). 

Zelena

OK, let's pretext this with saying at first we weren't all that into Zelena. We liked the original plot with the Evil Queen and the sisterly connection, but then she just got more predictable and slightly annoying, but it's definitely gotten better as the show has progressed, and she's certainly a distinctive character. She's no Elphaba, but Rebecca Mader, you keep on doing you. 

Mulan 

Jamie Chung, sword-fighting, and she's the hero of China? Sign us up, please. Mulan is one of those characters who just has everything. Honour and talent with weaponry, Mulan is the Queen Bee of our hearts, and we love it when she pops up now and again - even if her failed romance with Aurora broke our hearts (can't we just leave Prince Phillip somewhere, pretty please?). We're still waiting for her to show up in season 6, so for now we'll have to make do with our other babes.

Merida 

There really aren't enough red-headed princesses, these days. But don't worry, Merida (Amy Manson) is here to correct that, and this wee lass has been involved in plenty of interesting scenarios with The Dark One, as well as committing several arrow escapades and participating in plenty of Scottish action - more than enough to capture our attention.

Maleficent

On paper, this is a real winner, and it works even better on-screen. Kristin Bauer van Straten as Maleficent? Damn, that is fiery as fuck. Not much needs to be said on this, but Kristin absolutely kills it as one of the infamous wicked fairies, but she's not completely heartless as demonstrated by her whole daughter storyline arc, and this featured one of the most emotional performances in the entire series (oh Snow & Charming, what were you thinking?). Needless to say, no one can slay this dragon.

Cruella

Cruella is like that sassy, extravagant Aunt you don't really know much about, but who makes a point of rocking up in her vintage car decked out in high-end pieces at almost every family occasion. But hey, we love her for it. Completely villainous, a little bit batty, and deliciously dastardly, Victoria Smurfit's Cruella is one of the greats.

The Top 10 - Words of Wisdom Quotes from Dr. Gregory House [House M.D.]

Ahh, House. Our favourite sassy head of diagnostics, with a knack for identifying puzzling diseases, but a seriously questionable bed-side manner. Yes, House M.D. was the medical drama for people who didn't usually like medical dramas. Fronted by the incomparable Hugh Laurie as the enigmatic Dr. Gregory House, the show was a huge hit and has amassed fans from all over the globe. But hey - the stellar acting and intriguing illnesses weren't the only pull - the show included some of the best dialogue ever seen on tv, with Dr House proving to be one of the most quotable characters with his quick-witted and snarky comments.

So, we thought we would revisit the classic medical drama and put together for you a list of the top 10 ~words of wisdom~ quotes as spoken by the main man himself. However, due to the true quotability of the show (and how extremely hard it was to pick our favourites) - this will be one in a series of compilation articles on the best lines from House M.D. So although this article focuses on words of wisdom, or general advice given by dear old Greg during the run of the show, other articles will focus on the top 10 clinic patient quotes, top 10 times Cuddy brought her sass A-game, top 10 Wilson quotes, and the top 10 interactions between House and his main team (and these will be linked here once they become available - so keep checking!)

But, without further ado, here is our list of the top 10, best 'words of wisdom' quotes from Dr Gregory House, of House M.D...

10. No work, plz

'People choose the paths that grant them the greatest rewards for the least amount of effort.' (Season 1, Pilot)

Ahh - House, the early years. Back before shit got real, House was a grumpy, brilliant diagnostician (albeit less well known amongst his peers), but he still knew how to deliver some excellent sass and dish out that solid world advice. Here he is explaining the complexity of humanity - that we're all just lazy shits who try to do as little as possible for maximum reward. Too true, House, too true. 

9) Secret Santa

'Gifts allow us to demonstrate exactly how little we know about a person.' (Season 4, Episode 10)

Greg hits the nail on the head in this scene in which he approaches the topic of gift giving. I mean haven't we all received our share of dodgy gifts in our lifetime in which it is clear that 0% thought was given? Another pair of socks, anyone?

8) Road safety

'You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don't be an idiot. 'Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to get you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the street, I know you look both ways.' (Season 1, Episode 5)

House had a turbulent relationship with religion during the run of the show, and the Season 1 episode 'Damned If You Do' gave us some real insight into his gripes with such beliefs, particularly Christianity. Here, House provides us with some sound road safety advice about not relying on God to have your back in every scenario you encounter in daily life, and we're inclined to believe him in this respect.

7) It's a wonderful life

'Life is pain! I wake up every morning, I'm in pain. I go to work in pain. You know how many times I just wanted to give up? How many times I've thought about ending it?' (Season 8, Episode 21)

We love House best when he's having one of his signature meltdowns over the idiocy of humanity, but this one was a bit too real for us. In this scene, House is having a blast at Taub (who is often on the receiving end of the abuse) about Wilson's decisions regarding his cancer treatment. House doesn't want his friend to give up (and neither do we!) - so we understand his frustrations that culminate in the delivery of this line, providing a frank commentary on dealing with life and suffering. Light-hearted and cheery never was House's ~thing~. 

6) Crime of passion

'Miracle of love? You're over twice as likely to be killed by a person you love than by a stranger.' (Season 1, Episode 5)

House is always on hand to deliver a fun fact or statistic, and this time is no different. Here, House provides a valuable life lesson on how to get away with avoid murder. Well, you know that old saying - there's always a thin line between love and hate.

5) House vs God

'If you talk to God, you're religious. If God talks to you, you're psychotic.' (Season 2, Episode 19)

Another day, another sassing by Dr. House. As usual, God is his target here, and he has no problem pointing out the blurry distinction between religious belief and mental illness. But as we know, House is an equal-rights offender, and religious people are only one drop in the ocean of his sea of insults, or something like that.

4) #Too many feels

'People's brains stop working, when they think they're gonna lose someone they love.' (Season 6, Episode 21)

House is speaking from experience here (*cough*Huddy*cough*) when he delivers some real commentary on the enigma that is love. We feel you, Greg, we feel you. Love can make you do crazy things, like crash a car into someone's front room. (Too soon?)

3) Inception

'Time changes everything. That's what people say, it's not true. Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves things exactly as they were.' (Season 3, Episode 12)

Not one to stray away from life's big questions, here the good doctor tackles the concept of time, and whether it does actually heal all wounds. Falling firmly on the side of 'no', House instead encourages people to be proactive in their recovery, as opposed to just sitting around waiting to feel better (maybe take some of your own advice there, eh House?)

2) I see your true colours shining through

'People never change. They just become more of who they really are.' (Season 8, Episode 22)

Like Batman taking off his costume to reveal Bruce Wayne, people never change, they only reveal more of what they are underneath, or at least that's House's take on things. Who can say if he's right or wrong, or if these are just the delusional ramblings of a man about to be burnt alive in a house fire. A poignant exploration of humanity or merely the effects of smoke inhalation? You decide.

1) Allergic to the truth

'It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what. I don't ask why patients lie, I just assume they all do. Truth begins in lies. I've found that when you want to know the truth about somebody, that someone is probably the last person you should ask. Reality is almost always wrong. Everybody lies. (Season 1, Episode 21)

Well, here it is. We've reached the end of our top 10 countdown, and claiming the number one spot is potentially the most quotable phrase that encompasses the whole programme - everybody lies. Being mentioned countless times throughout the run of the series, the quote was really dissected in the Season 1 episode Three Stories, in which we got a glimpse into how House operates and why he is a big fan of getting his team to break into people's houses and go through their junk - for their own good of course! And whilst House places little faith in humanity, he is often proved to be correct - after all, how many patients in the shows lifespan would have actually ended up causing their own death by withholding the truth of their circumstances from House & Co? We're guessing A LOT. Kudos to you Dr House, your cynicism is much appreciated.



So there we have it! Our top 10 countdown of words of wisdom quotes from Dr. Gregory House of House M.D. is concluded! Do you agree with our choices? What is your number 1 favourite quote or piece of advice given by House? Let us know in the comments & be sure to watch this space for future articles featuring the best lines and dialogue of the A-team of Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.

Game of Thrones - Season 6 Episode 9 Recap 'Battle of the Bastards'

This week's episode of Game of Thrones proves exactly why the show is so popular - epic battles, snarky dialogue, and a boat-load of both lovable and loathsome characters. This is a truly rip-roaring, thrilling penultimate episode that makes us wonder - will the finale be as satisfying? If you're looking to get up to date on all the goings-on of Season 6 Episode 9 - Battle of the Bastards, then you've come to the right place!

Team Dany vs. The Masters

The episode opens with Meereen under attack Pirates of the Caribbean style. There's a shit load of ships, and only one Daenerys Targaryen.

Tyrion tries to console Dany by saying she has the support of the people - although not all the people, however, as the Masters hate her guts, remember. Dany seems eager to get going and charge head-first into the action. Her plan is questionable, although she appears resolute - she will crucify the Masters, set their fleets on fire, kill every last one of their soldiers and return their cities to the dirt. A strong speech, but Tyrion appears unconvinced - he's worried Dany will go ga-ga like the mad king. Dany is undeterred - 'This is entirely different' - but Tyrion suggest an alternate route of action.


They meet the Masters outside the great pyramid and the Masters take the opportunity to gloat. They insult Dany and call her a 'beggar queen'. Ooo, bad move Masters. If it's one thing we know, it's that you should never underestimate Daenerys Stormborn, First of her name... etc etc.

Dany says they should be negotiating the Masters surrender, not hers. They claim her reign is over, but she thinks differently, and utters one of the episodes' most quote-worthy lines - 'My reign has just begun'.

This triggers an immensely epic sequence which involves Dany jumping on the back of her dragon, Drogon, flying away to join the other two dragons, and consequently laying waste to a number of the attacking ships (not all though, Dany has other plans for those ships, after all). Daario Naharis rides to the rescue with an army of fighters and cuts down the Sons of the Harpy, and the Masters realise they are unequivocally screwed.

Tyrion convinces the Masters' troops to flee - after all, who would want to die for slavers that could care less about you? - and the Masters begin to beg for their lives. Tyrion is having none of it; he thanks them for their fleets ('Our Queen does love ships'), and insists that one of the Masters must die as punishment for their crimes. They are quick to give up the 'low-born' Master, but Greyworm cuts their 'victory' short by slitting the throats of the other two, and letting Mr-luckiest-guy-in-the-world go. So long as he promises to tell everyone how amazing Dany is and ensure no-one ever desires to cross her, of course. Everyone walks away looking very smug and it seems its game, set and match for Team Dany.

The half-man meets the half-man

Later, Theon and his sister Yaara meet with Tyrion and Dany. Tyrion recalls how Theon used to make jokes about his height (probably should have laid off him Theon, you know, now that you're arguably half a man yourself, eh?). Tyrion comments how things have not been going well for Theon, considering he had to resort to slaughtering boys barely out of kindergarten to maintain control. Retired-Reek protests he did not murder them (of course, we all know this), but that he did worse things that he has already paid for. Tyrion doubts it - after all, Theon is still alive. Dany asks why Theon is there - he has brought her ships, and she presume he wants her support for his claim of the Salt Throne. Theon counters - he doesn't want her support for himself, he wants it for Yaara. She asks why not Theon, and he claims he is not fit to rule; on this, Theon and Tyrion finally agree.

Dany seems pleased at the possibility of another strong female ruler, but Theon warns her that his uncle, Euron, also has ships and will be offering a substantial amount up in exchange for Dany's support. Dany asks why she should not just accept his offer, and Yaara crudely mentions that it is not just the ships that Euron offers, he also has (in his mind) a rather large package, and an offer of marriage for her. As we all know, Dany is an ~independent woman~ and rolls her eyes at his pathetic proposal. Yaara says her offer is free of any ludicrous marriage demands, and then proceeds to subtly flirt with Dany. This is one pairing we can definitely get behind.

Dany notes that everyone in the room had fathers who were evil men. They left the world worse than when they found it. 'We're going to leave the world better'. Dany demands that they respect the land - no more raiding, no more raping. Yaara is surprised - 'that's our way of life'. 'No more' Dany counters, and Yaara begrudgingly agrees. They shake hands (or, arms?) and it seems we're in business, baby.

The long-suffering Starks

Meanwhile, back in the North, Jon and Sansa are meeting with the guy everyone loves to hate - yep, Ramsay Bolton. He addresses her as his 'beloved wife' - back off, creep. He thanks Jon for returning her and says that if he dismounts his horse and proclaims him the true King of the North, he will pardon Jon, his troops, and everything will be dandy... the next thing you know he'll be holding summer fetes and kissing babies... yeah right. 

Of course Jon isn't having any of this. He attempts to avoid the bloodshed by proposing a one-on-one hand to hand combat with Ramsay. However, Ramsay merely laughs and says although he is unsure if he would beat Snow in a fistfight, he is sure he will win on the battlefield. He has the larger army, more weapons, and the tactical advantage. Sansa puts on a brave face and tells Ramsay that he will die tomorrow, and that he should get some much needed R&R before then. She promptly rides away with all the implied 'fuck you' attached.

Ramsay comments on what a fine woman she is and how much he looks forward to having her back in his bed. He doubles down on his threats by saying how he's sure his dogs will be enjoying their gourmet meal of hundreds of Stark-followed tomorrow, when he crushes them in battle. He wonders which parts the dogs will try first... eyes... balls... (I'm sure it all tastes like chicken - right?). Fighting talk, Ramsay, fighting talk. Tormund looks decidedly pissed, while Jon looks pensive.

Questionable battle-plans and whining

Back at the tent, Davos talks strategy, and Sansa appears frustrated. Cue necessary battle talk and fighting maneuvers... and OMG just start the battle, already. We all know what we're waiting for here. Everyone retires for the night and Sansa laments over the lack of experience Jon has. 'I know how he likes to hurt people' Sansa says. She has insight, she can help. She knows he won't fall into Jon's trap, and she says Jon is being naive in thinking that he will. Jon lists off his various accolades (yeah I came back from the dead, bitch), and Sansa says Rickon will never be retrieved. Rickon has the most solid claim to the North and Ramsay will never let him live. They continue to bicker like young children - Sansa says they don't have enough men, Jon says it's all they have and they'll make do. Clearly he believes in his invincibility. Sansa says if Ramsay wins, she won't be going back there alive. Jon says he can protect her, but Sansa isn't convinced 'No-one can protect me, no-one can protect anyone'.

Battleforce Galactica

It's the day of the battle and everyone looks like they are about to pee themselves. The Stark banner is flying boldly, and Jon heads to the front of his army to lead. Ramsay, on the other side of the battlefield, leads a clearly scared Rickon out into the open. He draws a knife - will he slit his throat right here and now? NO - he lets him go and tells him to run. We can all see where this is heading. Rickon runs (he could be going a little faster) and tries to reach his brother. Jon jumps on his horse and charges to meet Rickon - who is still running in a frustratingly straight line (use a weaving pattern, you fool!!). Predictably, he is mown down by an arrow just as he is about to grab Jon's hand. It's all very dramatic, but who didn't see it coming, eh?

The battle commences and boy, are there A LOT of casualties. Both sides lose a fair few men, but Jon's team is looking decidedly worse for wear. Eventually they become trapped inside a wall of soldiers, all wielding spears and shields. You go near a shield, you get stabbed with a spear. It's a fairly simple concept. All appears to be lost when suddenly, the sound of a horn is heard. Who should appear - but Sansa Stark, with everyone's favourite creepy uncle, Petyr Baelish, and the Knights of Vale. They promptly massacre Bolton's men and Ramsay and a few stragglers retreat back to Winterfell.

What we've all been waiting for 

Ramsay, still apparently confident in his position, claims the Starks don't have enough provisions for a siege and that all they have to do is wait it out - they won't dare attack. Right on cue, the door starts shaking and the giant rips straight through, despite taking considerable arrow-fire in the process. With the doors now open, Jon & Co race straight in and Jon finally gets the hand to hand combat he wants when he beats Ramsay's face to a bloody pulp.

Sansa watches on gleefully and exacts her own glorious revenge later when she allows Ramsay to be brutally eaten alive by his dogs - I mean, he didn't feed them for 7 days for christ's sake - and they are only too-willing to chow down on some Bolton-not-Bolton-flesh. Sansa strides away in what can only possibly be described as a gangster-swagger, with a pronounced smirk on her face. Season 6 Sansa is definitely our favourite Sansa, amirite?

And thus, concludes a truly epic penultimate episode of Game of Thrones!

What will happen on next week's finale?

Will Aria be reunited with her brother and sister? What will happen to Bran, the last remaining legitimate son of Ned Stark? Will Dany cross the sea with her ships? Will Cersei and Margaery finally bury the hatchet?

And who, just who will claim the Iron Throne?

Let us know who you think it will be in the comments!

Outlander Season 2 Premiere [Review + Recap]

This year's power couple

Yes, that's right folks, everyone's favourite historical drama is back! 

Outlander Season 2 premiered on Saturday night (09/04) on STARZ, and was available for all us UK folks on Amazon Instant Video on Sunday. 

But what did Claire (Caitriona Balfe) and Jamie (Sam Heughan) get up to in this season's premiere?

When we last left the dynamic duo, Claire had just told Jamie she was pregnant and they hugged, and kissed, and all of us viewers swooned, and it was very cute.

Of course, that shit couldn't last, because as the new episode opens, Claire is somehow back in dreary 'present day' (1948, for her), and Jamie's gone, and she's crying and I'm screaming to the heavens - WHYYYY.

Claire leaves the mystic ruins and wanders along some random road and is discovered by a wee old Scottish man who somehow doesn't have the urge to run away from her (even after she grabs him by his coat screaming WHAT YEAR IS IT), and just like that, she's in a hospital waiting for her darling Jamie Frank to come pick her up.

Frank comes into her room, clearly dumbstruck that his wife that left him two years ago is suddenly back, and safe. He is thrilled, although I can't help but feel he would have moved on in the space of TWO YEARS. But clearly Claire's the gal for him, it doesn't even matter that she shagged some other dude and is now pregnant - we all make mistakes, amirite?

Okay, Frank's not the best thrilled when Claire eventually admits the truth to him, although he seemingly doesn't think she's bat-shit crazy - even though most of us, when confronted with the absolutely absurd tale of magical stones and hot Scottish guys in kilts would think she was. So, er, I guess that's something?

But let's get real. Who actually thinks Claire and Frank make the best pairing? Seriously. They're chemistry is now non-existent and I'm sure the fact that he bares a really fucking striking resemblance to renowned torturer and rapist Captain Jack Randall is really going to help along their relationship.

And the award for most boring man in the world goes to...

C'mon Outlander, take us back to the land of thrilling fights, stunning scenery and buckets of alcohol, please. Anyway, Frank and Claire eventually decide to raise the growing baba as their own, albeit with a few conditions. Frank must never mention the word 'flog' in Claire's presence (I agree), and Claire must agree to let go of her ghost-husband and stop trying to find out if he did really die (and to that I say to you, thanks, but no thanks).

Frank reveals he has an offer from Harvard and they all move to Boston. Oh boy (zzzzz).

And with a change of scene we are back in past-day and Claire and Jamie have just landed in France. What we've all been waiting for!!! Even though there's only like 20 minutes of the programme left - DAMMIT.

What everyone actually wants to see

Claire and Jamie find somewhere to chill and after some lengthy conversation (Jamie admits he still has flashbacks of Randall, Claire comforts) they agree to try and stop the Jacobite uprising to try and prevent a monumental loss of life. Murtagh (Duncan Lacroix) is angry the dynamic duo won't tell him why they are doing all this random shit and Jamie reassures Murtagh he will tell him the truth 'when it's time' and Murtagh seems to accept this...with literally zero complaints. Er, Okay, great then, I guess?

Jamie and Claire meet with Jared Fraser (first step of their plan) who is skeptical of Jamie's sudden interest in politics, to which Jamie strips off (yes, everyone, this is the moment you have been waiting for) and that appears to be all the answer Jared needs. Jamie wants to meet the Jacobite leaders, Jamie and Jared barter for a bit, and they agree that Jamie will take over Jared's wine business whilst he is in the West Indies because he's got a 'really good head for figures'... er, if you say so Jared. JC also get the run of Jared's Paris home whilst he's away and a share of the profits. Super duper!

Later, Claire is walking along the docks and comes across some sickly fellas with apparent smallpox. After Claire's expert medical assessment (yup, it's smallpox), our new baddie le Comte St. Germain (Stanley Weber) is pissed because now his ship and all its cargo has to be burnt to prevent the spread of infection, as the sickly fellas were from his crew (erm, soz dude).

hint: I am the villain

Cue: death stare from St. Germain and sassy retort from Claire (what a babe). J+C ride away in a carriage watching the burning ship and St. Germain works his best 'plotting villain' face. It's all very dramatic.

And that's it.

Summary of the episode: Too much Frank, not enough Jamie (but when is there ever enough Jamie?)

All joking aside, although it was nice to revisit present-day Claire and see how she would adjust back into her old life, it could have taken up slightly less of the episode, to make more room for what we all came for: thrilling adventures from team JC.

Next week we expect to see:
1. More unnecessary shirtless Jamie
2. More pantomime villains
3. More sassy Claire
4. More characters who are inexplicably fluent in French

The Night Manager [Review] - Spy Sensation

Strike a pose.

How to introduce The Night Manager? That might be a bit tricky; one look at its impressive cast would probably send you into a fanatical, wheezing fit, if you’re a fan of great British TV. Fortunately, in this daring drama Tom Hiddleston is available on hand as the enigmatic hotelier-turned-spy to resuscitate you…maybe.

Hello? {from the outside} 

Based on the John le Carré novel of the same name, this adaptation of The Night Manager has been updated to suit current day situations and events, moving from the setting of the Cold War to the Arab Spring. The production budget has clearly been set quite high, as the camera blissfully sweeps across luscious oceans, capturing every intricate and scenic detail of gorgeous mountain tops and stunning villas: a true testament to the drama’s grandiose nature. It’s certainly an incredibly cinematic and artistic TV drama, and it knows it. Full of riveting drama, sex, and mystery, the series may as well be a prolonged TV film for its careful construction of every artistic element of its production and editing, but you’d expect nothing less, considering the magnitude of its actors.

They see me rollin', they hatin'.

Television is perhaps a more suitable medium for an adaption of a le Carré novel, and the six part mini-series has plenty of time to fully explore the elements of the thrilling espionage plot. This therefore guarantees a better chance at success, and for the most part, the first palpable taste of The Night Manager is satisfying and offers up a juicy and easily digestible piece of television gold.

Jonathan, I think you have lupus ~it's never lupus~

Tom Hiddleston stars as the notorious ‘Night Manager’, Jonathan Pine, who is recruited quite suddenly by Angela Burr (Olivia Colman), an intelligence operative who has made it her life’s mission to take down arms dealer and ‘worst man in the world’, Richard Roper (Hugh Laurie). In order to do this he must assimilate himself into Roper’s world through unconventional methods, whilst also trying not to be uncovered by any of Roper’s group, including his girlfriend Jed (Elizabeth Debicki), and suspicious associate Major Corcoran (Tom Hollander). As suspected, Hiddleston is utterly convincing in his role, able to show the darker, more committed side to his character that comes with his need to infiltrate big business, whilst also switching between the smart and more faux-courteous side of the role.

#jine4eva

Laurie also flexes his villainous side, proving he doesn’t always have to be the good guy. Laurie manages to embody every characteristic of the ruthless Roper, despite not being on screen for more than a few minutes at a time, which is quite a feat for even a seasoned actor. There is something utterly commanding about his screen presence that is captivating if only for every few fleeting seconds before he saunters off no doubt to orchestrate another crime or two.

Did I leave the stove on?

If you want to read more about my thoughts on Olivia Colman's impressive performance, and the Laurie/Hiddleston play-off then you can do, here.